Hating myself.

 So the fun thing about being and I hesitate to use the term, disabled, is your lack of ability to get shit done. You come up with all these plans, and ideas, your mind is already settled on what you could achieve but the body is just sitting there, just waiting for you to get off your ass and start before it points out you are not going to get shit done. You try, you swallow meds, you have your stern coach voice going in your head. You get some done before your lungs are starting to feel like they are shutting down, you’re not walking anymore, you are waddling about the place like a penguin because your hips, lower spine, tailbone and let’s not forget you sciatic nerve are all trying to lock up on you. At this point you are going to need Ventolin and a walking stick just to check the mailbox. 

Depressing much? You try and work out a way to get things done, but everything feels completely overwhelming. 

You write out a list of what you want to get done. Just one day, you allow for things such as how much damage you will inflict on yourself, so you work the easy tasks first and hope that will level you enough to just try and get through the toughest job on the list. Then there is the mental side of things. Just yesterday I found out my hearing aids have gone missing. All this time I had believed them to be in their little box on the coffee table. 

Nope. Because that was what I would have expected. I am trying to keep calm over that one, however about five other things have gone missing recently. A new loofa for the shower simply evaporated, various bits of jewellery, a small blue plastic teapot, that one is really annoying me, I have lost so much of my teapot collection since being here, all magically flying off the shelf and breaking. Just getting fed up with the total lack of anything working out. I got the kitchen properly sorted today, but even that finally completed task had me in a filthy mood. So much broken, damaged, and vanished, I was fit to start breaking shit myself. 

So tomorrow I will start again on whatever I can managed to get done.  Of course this depends on how well I managed to sleep tonight, and when sleeping I manage to not injure myself turning over. 

I am just over everything.