FABULOUS.

It occurred to me the other day that the older I get the more I tend to go against the grain. Unfortunately, this is not always greeted with open arms. Unless of course they are holding a straight jacket or other means of tying me to a chair and leaving me somewhere.

In spite of my own particular tastes, I endeavour to raise Wonder kid in a balanced manner. We were recently in a certain gift shop, where I was trying to introduce her to all things girlie. Her basic response was why are we here? Can we leave now please? But I persisted. This was the kind of shop that boasted pate knives complete with flowing tassels. As much as I could feel myself bursting into a long and loud running commentary of what a waste of space the place was, I tried as hard as I could to broaden Wonder kids horizons.

Let’s just say the whole experience has been filed under Heroic Failures in the family records.

What finally pushed me over the edge was a collection of ‘must have’ office accessories. Not your usual cheap and nasty computer mice, sticky tape dispensers and staplers. They were covered with cheap nasty stick on bling, cheap nasty computer mice, sticky tape dispensers and staplers. I took a moment out of my life to appreciate the effect. The display looked like a picture of some dumb blonde famous for nothing and her home office set up. Or the props from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Either way, having these items in your life would have you feeling FABULOUS! Or something.

Now the manager, there’s a guy I take my hat off to. Not only was he brave enough to stock these items in the face of the local cross dressing fraternity finding out and trampling him to death in their size 12 ½ stilettos in the pursuit of these must haves, he is a shrewd business man. Such was the total tackiness of these items, he knew full well his target customers would have to be the kind who are certified as legally stupid, or the kind of folk who regard the above mentioned movie as more of a guide to day to day living rather than entertainment. He also realised either way, a dollar was to be made. Or rather a lot of dollars. Put it this way, I would expect the mouse to be able to launch ground to air missiles among other things given his asking price.

The final item we…admired, had caught the eye of Wonder kid and she of course sought my sage advice on it. Upon sighting the item I gave up all hope of self control. She had picked up a nicely matching bling bedecked business card holder.
“Mum, what is this?” asked the heir to the family’s history of mental instability.
“Well, darling, that is called a business card holder, you keep your business cards in it so you have plenty to give out. This type with all the pretties on top is made especially for business women who want to guarantee that no one will ever take them seriously. That or Priscilla, Queen of the Office.”

Her wise, Yoda like nodding of the head confirmed she got my drift and calmly walked out of the shop without further comment. Already showing far more self control than her mother for her young age. The store manager by this stage was trying desperately to not snort his coffee through his nose from laughter. Which he ended up doing anyway when I wished him a FABULOUS day on my exit.